"fortes fortuna adiuvant"

or for those of the rest of us that don't read latin fluently,

 "fortune favors the bold"

jump right in.

dive in.

head first.

no holds barred.

go big.

get in over your head.

let go.

let God.

be fortuitous.

be bold.

be brave.

be happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a side note...

I'm sending out my bookswap package tomorrow!

As you know, I'm still away from all of my things,

 so perusing the local book store,

 searching for the Perfect (!) book....

I managed upon a sale and got about $200 worth of books for about $50.

Which is 'technically' the first purchase I've made for myself this year.

 (yayay for self-control!)

 a-MAZ-ing!

 I love good deals. 

The book I chose is special for many reasons.

 But most importantly,

 it opened my mind and inspired my journey.

  I am so excited for my swap buddy to get it in hand and hope that she'll enjoy it as much as I did

(and do, since I still have my original copy).

{poprocks} book swap

Yes, ladies & gentlemen,

it's here.

FINALLY.

{poprocks} book swap ♥

Not only will you be swapping books with some of the sweetest people on the planet...

 for every person that joins the swap

Kateigh - the oh-so sweet lady that she is -

will be donating a book to a local children's shelter.

PS - check her out here and join in on her January fun.

{poprocks} & photographs: book swap

a decade of my life is gone, this is what stands out...

I've been reading in on JenRem's Blog and she's pretty amazing, you should go read up if you don't already...  Thanks to Kateigh for leading me to her!

I sent over my last decade list to her, but also decided to post it on my own little blog for your viewing pleasure.  This is my summation of my last decade in my own little bubble.

♥ fell in love for the first time.

♥ graduated high school & earned my associates degree.

♥ learned to play tennis at tryouts, and went to Nationals with my college team.

♥ beat up a man for picking on my little sister.

♥ had my heart broken for the first time, but not the last.

♥ ran up thousands in credit card debt and then paid it all off.

♥ had a summer romance with a boy I met on a train to NYC.

♥ learned enough about cars to not get ripped off by a mechanic.

♥ gave a second chance, then walked away from a toxic relationship forever.

♥ realized that I have a fear of committment, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ worked as a babysitter, a tutor, a wench, a pharmacy & photolab technician, a waitress, a fairy (no joke, wings and all), a receptionist, a records specialist at a college , a cashier in a tattoo/piercing parlor, a maid, a mad scientist (I taught rocket science to 5 year olds), a lifeguard (and saved a life) and an insurance broker.

♥ got four tattoos.

♥ became really good friends with my mom.

♥ my hair has been purple, blonde, black, red, permed, straight, short, and back to normal.

♥ let my stubborn self stay out of touch with my sister, my Dad, and two of my best friends.

♥ got over myself, was honest with each of them, and we are stronger for it.

♥ lived in four different abodes, wound up back with my Dad, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ fell in love... with shoes

♥ made new friends, and kept the old (one is silver and the other is gold)

♥ lost my grandfather, two great uncles, two aunts, a cousin, a grandmother and a godmother.

♥ gained a brother in law, a nephew and a niece.

♥ hit rock bottom, picked myself back up.

♥ left a career after five and a half years.

♥ started a blog.

♥ watched one of my best friends marry her best friend.

♥ signed up to go to Tanzania for 12 weeks to volunteer.

♥ decided to choose faith over fear.

a smile for my past

I know, I know... I have a new years post all set & ready to go, but I had to post this -

http://www.runawaygallery.com/2010/01/jolene-jolene-jolene-jolene.html

I read this blog this morning and it immediately made me smile this morning.  My lovely big sister, Michelle, used to sing this when she was little.  She used a turkey baster for a microphone back in the day.  She knew all the words and I can just imagine her sweet little children dancing around with turkey basters and wooden spoons belting out old tunes like this...


It definately made my day.  Thanks Kristina for posting this.

the last days of 2009 (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday)

my sweet little reading list for the weeks to come...

I also put Hemingway's Snows of Kilimanjaro on hold at the local library.  The librarian is going to call me when it comes in... 

In addition to my reading list, I've been cleaning out my life lately.. and I have sooo much stuff.  I've got books, which I'm so excited for a book swap to come up in the blogosphere so I can trade out for some more good reading.  I've got some really good friends making reading lists for me.

Also, going through my hatboxes (you might remember, I have a thing for them), I've been looking through old photographs.  I'm sorting them out and scanning all of them in to my web database for my future personal use, and I'll be sending my friends the ones I want them to have... and I'm sure it will bring them happiness and smiles to remember the great times we've had all those years ago.  Afterall, it's bad luck to throw away photos, right?

Jewelry too.  I'm going through tons and tons of jewelry.  I've gotten a lot of jewelry as gifts from old boyfriends, old friends, grandmothers, my mama.  I found two old jewelry boxes and I'll be taking photos of them (to remember them fondly someday).

 I'm not selling all of my jewelry, don't worry.  I'm setting aside little packages for my sweet sisters, my bestie, and my little niece.  I have a plan in mind to spread the love.  Some of my nicer things, I'm dividing up and setting aside more little packages for my nearest & dearest.  It's quite fun to be reminscing like this, and at the same time, it's a bit painful to be doing this.  There are a lot of memories that I've put by the wayside and had forgotten until now.  But fear not,  it's more fun than anything, I promise.

I did find some pieces from old boyfriends that I could sell but it just seems wrong.  Should I send them back?  Should I keep them?  What's a girl to do?  I remember when I was in sixth grade(my first boyfriend), had given me really pretty (and expensive for a sixth grader) earrings.  When we 'broke up' six weeks later, I gave them back.  Two days later, another girl in my class was wearing them.  What an awful feeling.  I would never know if they 're-gifted' the items, and I'm so not worried about that.  It's just that there are some really sweet things that I have from old boyfriends and it occurred to me that I didn't want to keep them, but do I have it in me to sell them?

So I decided that I would ask you all your advice with my predicament... should I keep them, sell them or send them back?  What about you?  Have you ever sent something back after the end?

mixed emotions

There are good days, and there are bad days.

The good days are weighing out the bad days lately... actually, I haven't had a 'bad' day in quite some time.

I'm getting more comfortable being alone.

It's not a bad thing, it's not a sad thing.

It's just that I'm comfortable with myself.

I don't need someone to entertain me.

I can entertain myself for hours on end with no problem.

I even make myself laugh out loud sometimes.

I've done that to bestie, Allisen, while I'm in the middle of leaving a voice message for her.  I often make myself laugh and get distracted in the message.  Hence the reason that if I call you and you don't answer, I probably won't leave a message.  It won't make any sense.  It would be... nonsensical.  But you would laugh.  Because I laughed.  I would have made you smile.  But back to the task at hand...

To quote one of my favorite movies {Hope Floats} :

"beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "

There are days, as my departure date (02/19/2009) gets closer that I am nervous, scared and unsure of what I must be thinking.

I have doubt and fear about my choice to leave my oh-so-secure comfort zone.

I am sad to leave my family, my friends, my home of 12 years.

I'm sad to be giving away/selling all of my things.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see my friends or hug and kiss my sweet family any time I want.

I won't have my cell phone to get the text messages and facebook updates and voicemails that I love.

I won't have my stable mailbox where my friends & family send me post that makes me smile so much.

I'm nervous that I won't meet my deadline to raise the funds that I need to make this adventurous step forward in my life.

Underneath the fear and sadness of all of that, I have hope.

I have oh-so-much hope.

Hope that I am doing the right thing.

Hope that I will make a difference.

Even if only in the life of one child, woman or man.

Hope is all I have right now for my adventurous journey yet to begin...

I just need to give that hope a chance to float on up...

and it will.

proud big sister.. for good reason.

Ok, So I must once again tell you about my little sister.

I know I've said this before, but as you'll see, there is a definate need for you all to know how wonderful she is... 

read Jackie's Interview here.

My dear sweet little sister,

I am so grateful that you are in my life because you are an amazingly talented and caring young woman.   Thank you so much for the un-ending support and pure excitement that you have for me as I start continue on my own little journey through life.  I am so proud to call you my sister. I consider myself lucky to know you and to be a part of your life.  You are inspiration for my hopes & dreams, and you keep me grounded when I start to float a bit too high.  Thank you again for being there for me when I need you most, when I don't need you at all, and especially when I need to smile.

I love you so much.

Carrie xx

my reasons to smile.

Sometimes when I'm having a tough day, I just need a reason to smile.
These are my reasons:

the sky in San Diego.

NY skyline.

my niece's smile.

little girl shoes.

playing at the edge of the ocean.

the iphone.

poprocks.

margheritas.

margherita's served with pop rocks (explosive!)

reisling.

rhine wine.

effen vodka (it's a brand, i swear)

twilight the book.

new moon the movie.

girly books (read: dimestore novels)

books in general.

text msgs.

blue pens.

sharpies.

making lists.

sending postcards to friends.

sending cards for no reason.

mailing letters with actual stamps.

getting mail.

taking photos.

dancing.

cooking.

dancing + cooking together.

my big sister.

my little sister.

together & separately.

flying.

my hair.

my crazy hair.

sparklers.

sparkly shirts.

sparkly shoes.

shoes (in general).

reaally high heels

surfing.

waves.

mud.

big dogs.

cats without tails.

flip-flops.

celina's chortle.

jax's grin.

sunshine.

rain.

snow.

music.

quiet.

driving fast.

driving slow.

enjoying the ride.

windows down.

swimming.

playing tennis.

singing at the top of my lungs.

smiling (in general.)

thinking about my life.

my past.

my present.

my future.

doing good things.

my mama.

my Dad.

mi familia.

painting.

gardening.

chalkboard paint.

seeing love.

being a bridesmaid for Meg.

not catching the bouquet.

mimosas and tiaras at 8am.

mimosas and tiaras anytime.

lazy sundays.

And if that's not enough...
http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/
The first time I read one of her posts, I cried.  She has taken in so many children in Uganda.  Reading her story and keeping up on her posts, you would think that she was an experienced woman that has lived her life and is now giving back.  I cried harder when I read that she just turned 21 years old.  Please go read her story.  It will change your life.

new beginnings

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dear readers, 

This is a personal note to my dear Meg & Mike.  I'm happy to share the joy & love of their special day with all of you.  I've included some of my favorite photos from the day.  Photos were taken by a friend & colleague of Jackie's, John Ciombor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dear sweet cousin, Meg, married her best friend, Mike, on Friday December 18th, 2009.  I can tell you with my whole heart that these two souls were meant for one another.  Looking at them and being able to share in the excitement and joy of their day was amazing.  The ceremony was beautiful, just as we all knew that it would be.  The reception was divine, just as any event involving family is bound to be. 

For Meg & Mike, one of my best friends, and one of my newest friends... 

I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love.  For now, forever, and for always.

with love,

Carrie xx

christmas wish list

Dear Santa,

I've been super-sonic good this year and I thought you might like some guidelines for presents this year.

 I'll start with the....

Aviary DeskSet from Elum.

                  

           And a penpal or two.

Sponsorships for my trip to Kilimanjaro.  Donate as little as $1 and up to any amount that you want.. If you're feeling generous, or need a tax write-off, you can donate directly to the site or you can use PayPal at the bottom of the blog page.

 Either of these...

or any shoes as a matter of fact.  Really, though, I need a pair of trusty sandals for my time in Africa.  Also, probably a good pair of rain boots.  Any suggestions?

   

these sweet things to basically anywhere so I can get these...

A Very White Christmas in New York.

An apartment with an ocean view in San Diego.

And lastly, one of these...

Anything that you can't get this year, I'll understand.

This is pretty much an ongoing list for me.

Don't worry, it'll still be good next year.

XX,

Carrie

Kreativ Blogger Award!

Alright, so here's me in a few photos.  They are in no particular order...

My favorite corner in my room.. Pictures of my family & friends. Books galore:

Demitasse cups with teeny little shoes & french words on them.

I also have a thing for pretty glass containers.

And a strange love for hatboxes, huge mirrors & tiffany lamps.

Original artwork by Your's Truly...

charcoal sketching

turpentine wash

I love getting post from anyone, but I always keep cards from my besties.  The one on the left is from JacPfef, my lovely little sister and the one on the right is from my bestie, Allisen.

So with those little photos into my own little life, I'm tagging you seven to show us all 7 things in your life/home/space that show who you are or what you are all about:

Jennifer, Christie, Banu, Anna, Jamie, JacPfef, Kate

the road to hell was paved with good intentions

Or so I've been told.

You can have the best intentions in the world, but if you don't keep your eyes on the bigger picture, you will probably find yourself saying to your besties, "where are we going?  And why are we in this handbasket??" 

I've mostly lived my short young life as it came to me.  I've appreciated the people & situations that have graced my life as they were and had never thought that I should have any sort of expectations.  Who am I to think that I should choose what I do, where I go, and with whom I am friendly with.   I've felt lost for a long time.  I didn't even know it.  It wasn't until I started writing, reading, painting again that I really felt it.  It's sort of been an emotional battle for me the last few months that I've been working through all of this.  And I am not an emotional person.  I am not the girl that cries... except, recently I have been.  My dear friends that have been going through this with me, sometimes just by leaving me alone (thanks for your patience, PS), I cannot and do not know if I will ever be able to thank you enough.  Well, how much I've been missing out on.  It all started that day that my dear Lisa kindly reminded me who I was and pushed me back on track.

I am important.  I have worth.  And it's my life.

My first new intention is to not forget those words.  To repeat them to myself daily if need be.  Until they have become permanently ingrained in my mind.

I'm going to start with some daily intentions.  I'll work my way up from there.  Please feel free to offer advice.  I may not take it... but advice given, is always heard and appreciated.  Also, Jac has been so kind as to redecorate my banner and I'm working on updating my site.  So I guess that my first list of intentions will be as such:

Thursday (not necessarily in this order):

1 - update page with some more fun stuff

2 - Kreativ Blogger Award posting (thanks again Jac, and now Kate too)

3 - put up & decorate the Christmas tree (my last one here at home)

4 - read my new book - "The Gospel According to Coco Chanel" ( ♥ her)

A few of my favorite things in San Diego...

Plus her sweet little family that brings joy to my soul and silliness to my heart. She is my original best friend.






Love love love being by the water. The air is calm, softly salty and the breeze is warm in the fading sunlight.





And the sky at night. It's not black, but navy blue. The stars are twinkly and bright. Sweet moments of light in the uncertainty of life.

The breathings of my heart...

Forgot what's gone
Take note of what's left
Hoping for the future
...
planning my escape.



found my old journal. Started carrying it with me. I've got some pretty good stuff. Started some lists within.

Things that make me smile.
(so I never forget how to smile)

Also my 2 year plan... Yep, only 2 years. Mostly, though, it's an extended one-year plan. No worries. I will be stress free. And happy. I've decided to write a book, well, finish it really... It's already started. I've got big plans for my future. Even bigger ones for my present. I'll let you in little by little. I want to keep you coming back to get the updates.

As of today, it is my last night in California for 2009. I'm sad. At the same time, that sadness is just the beginning. And the beginning of my plan is scary, to me.

I'm quoting one of my favorite movies when I say...

"beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."

Playing over and over in my head...

Can't stop listening to The Avett Brothers, "I and Love and You."

my carbon footprint

I've purchased my ticket to California! I'm heading to California to visit my sister and her lovely little family. My nephew Jax has big plans to take me to the San Diego Zoo. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted on my trip. This will be my first time visiting California and I'm sure, not the last.

In my travels, I want to have a positive impact on the people and places that I go. I want to be conscience of the impacts of my travel on the planet. Just call me environmentally saavy. Yes, Allisen, this part is just for you. Allisen, being the eco-friendly lady that she is, has inspired me. In order to start this, while purchasing my ticket, I chose to offset my carbon footprint caused from the flight. The organization I chose is a not for profit and their website has some really great information for you to check out.

What exactly is a carbon footprint? According to Wiktionary.com, "A measure of the amount of carbon dioxide produced by a person, organization or state in a given time."

What is your carbon footprint? Find out with their handy carbon footprint calculator!


Here's my certificate showing my offset:

World Traveling

Check out this guy's blog. His story is amazing.

http://transworldexpedition.com

Carrie Goes to Kilimanjaro

I decided that I would volunteer for global community service. Alone.

This is my story.

I first heard about Cross-Cultural Solutions from my sister, Jackie. We had started talking about volunteering abroad with the organization almost 3 years ago. We had checked our schedules with our best friend, Allisen, and as it turned out, we never had the same availability.

Allisen is an early education teacher and after finishing her Masters (congrats Al!), was starting her career. Which means - summers are pretty much the only time for vacations.

Jackie is a (basically) self-taught a-MAZ-ing photographer. I might be partial, just because she's my sister, but you can check out her work here, and I'm sure you'll agree. Her main focus right now is weddings, and guess when wedding season is - yeah, summers.

I, on the other hand, am a licensed insurance broker for a small (but very busy) agency. I've been there for 5 years (as of 09/23/2009). My job is constantly hectic and can be very time-consuming. I've worked close to 50 hour weeks for nearly 4 out of 5 years. I've earned 4 weeks of vacation each year and there really is no "good" time to take time off.

This brings me to Seafood Fest 2009. This is an annual summer party at my Aunt Terri's house. This is where I had a nice long chat with Allisen, Jackie & Lisa (I'm still not 100% on how exactly we're related, but she's my Dad's cousin, and awesome). After my good-long "talking to," I decided that I needed to make some changes in my life. I have to stop waiting for someone to do the things that I want to do and just do them myself. I don't want to be "the best friend" in my own life story, I want to be the main character. I want my own stories. I can't be afraid to be alone in my next steps. I know that my family & friends will always support me in everything that I do.

On the ride home from Seafood Fest '09, I got an e-mail from Cross-Cultural Solutions. I have been getting e-mails on a Semi-Annual basis since originally checking into this program with Allisen & Jackie 3 years ago. I clicked into the website and started looking into it again. This time, thinking only of myself. This program offers various lengths of time volunteering in many different areas. After looking at all of the areas available, I chose Kilimanjaro. I decided that I would volunteer for global community service. Alone.

This is my story.

my bucket list

1. Start a scholarship fund.

2. Start a sponsorship fund for young women to experience another culture.

3. Open a not-for-profit organization.

4. Go on a cruise with my family to celebrate a holiday.

5. Send cards for every occasion for at least one year.

6. Pick one occasion (in addition to birthdays) to send a card for the rest of my life.

7. Write letters. Good old fashioned letters.

8. Do something that scares me at least once a month.

9. Make time for myself, friends and family.

10. Own an apartment.

11. Buy an old house and fix it up.

12. Buy land. Build a house on it.

13. Keep a garden. Use it.

14. Skydive.

15. Bungee Jump.

16. Move to California.

17. Live on my own for awhile.

18. Live in another country for awhile.

19. Visit Meg & Michael in their new home.

20. Visit Michelle & Rodney in their new home.

21. Spoil my niece & nephew.

22. Spend Time with my family.

23. Write a novella.

24. Keep a journal. Actually write in it.

25. Take a chance.

26. Hostess a dinner party.

27. Travel to {insert name of cool place here}. Learn something.

28. Become fluent in: Swahili, French, Spanish, German, Arabic, Russian.

29. Drink champagne to celebrate with friends.

30. Learn to knit. well.

31. Make amazing gifts instead of buying them one year.

32. Stay close with my sisters.

33. Buy rainboots. Wear them.

34. Kayak on a phosphorus lake at midnight.

35. Run a marathon.

36. Get better at ice skating.

37. Figure out how to snowboard well.

38. Learn to play poker.

39. Fly a plane (again).

40. Camp at the Grand Canyon.

41. Raft & Camp on the Delaware.

42. Take too many photos anywhere I go.

43. Forget to take a single photo.

44. Dance barefoot on a beach.

45. Lay in the grass and watch for shooting stars.

46. Take a deep breath at Yosemite National Park.

47. Backpack through Europe.

48. Road trip to California.

49. Take a trip by train.

50. Find a Mentor.

51. Be a Mentor.

52. Feed stingrays.

53. Become Scuba qualified.

54. Go snorkeling (again).

55. Swim with sharks.

56. People watch in Paris.

57. Visit Bourbon Street. (not on Mardi Gras)

58. Sing at a Karaoke bar. (loudly)

59. Take Yoga classes.

60. Take a cooking class.

61. Listen to my gut-feelings.

62. Finish unfinished business.

63. Give a second chance... but not a third.

64. Be honest.

65. Be open.

66. Be compassionate.

67. Live with passion.

68. Live graciously.

69. Learn my morals & values. Live by them.

70. If I can't find the words, write a letter.

71. Dress for my mood.

72. Learn to pack well.

73. Visit Machu Picchu.

74. See the Taj Mahal.

75. Go to Vegas. (Do not get married.)

76. Take a sabbatical from work. Learn something.

77. Spend a weekend in bed.

78. Have a penpal.

79. Open a boutique of my own.

80. Open a hostel in a city.

81. Open a wine bar.

82. Learn about wine.

83. Work in a library. Read too much.

84. Work as a bartender. Listen.

85. Work in the travel business. Travel too much.

86. Work as an editor.

87. Write a book about my travels.

88. Write a book about my life.

89. Write a book about love.

90. Conquer my fear of spiders.

91. ...and commitment.

92. Let someone love me.

93. Marry the love of my life.

94. Start a family.

95. Laugh daily.

96. Don't be afraid to cry.

97. Adopt a puppy.

98. Give more than I get.

99. Own a classic.

100. Be a classic.
101. Make pie crust really well.

reasons to smile

the sky in San Diego.

NY skyline.

my niece's smile.

little girl shoes.
playing at the edge of the ocean.

the iphone.

poprocks.

margheritas.

margherita's served with pop rocks (explosive!)

reisling.
rhine wine.

effen vodka (it's a brand, i swear)

twilight the book.

new moon the movie.

girly books (read: dimestore novels)

books in general.

text msgs.

blue pens.

sharpies.
making lists.
sending postcards to friends.
sending cards for no reason.
mailing letters with actual stamps.
getting mail.

taking photos.

dancing.

cooking.

dancing + cooking together.

my big sister.

my little sister.

together & separately.

flying.

my hair.

my crazy hair.

sparklers.

sparkly shirts.

sparkly shoes.

shoes (in general).

reaally high heels

surfing.

waves.

mud.

big dogs.

cats without tails.

flip-flops.

celina's chortle.

jax's grin.

sunshine.

rain.

snow.

music.
quiet.

driving fast.

driving slow.
enjoying the ride.

windows down.

swimming.

playing tennis.

singing at the top of my lungs.

smiling (in general.)

thinking about my life.

my past.

my present.

my future.

doing good things.

my mama.

my Dad.

mi familia.

painting.

gardening.
chalkboard paint.