What dreams may come

We finally made it to Fort Bragg to see sweet Meg & her Michael in the wee hours of Thursday morning. After about two hours just catching up on what our lives have been like over the past three (even though it seems like forever since the wedding) weeks, we decided we needed to nap. We saw Mike off to work and then quickly conked out for a few hours.

With sleep, come dreams, and with all the worrying I've been doing lately, it seems only fair that those worries would soon wind up in my dreams. And so, after two hours of sleep, I was startled awake. Not by anything in the room, just a sudden realization in whilst dreaming. And just so you know, I'm not a crazy that takes her dreams seriously and literally each and every time. But it's different with certain people that I'm close with. It happens sometimes where I'll dream about them and then they call or show up the next day. It kinda freaks me out sometimes.

So, this realization... Mike was being to deployed to Haiti for relief efforts. Let me explain... I'm often so wrapped up in my 'bubble' {as it's often called} that I don't connect things right away, and more likely, hear about things way after the fact. I'm sure that if Mike wasn't deployed, I would have been unaware of the disaster for a few more days if not weeks.

So with that being said, I have a dear friend, C., that is currently in Tortola working on a boat. Probably not a 'boat' so much as yacht, or mini cruiseliner, but again, to me, just a vessel on the water, alas, boat. Sorry if I've offended any boatlovers.

Anyhow, so this dawns on me, and I immediately wish that I had some semblance of a geography knowledge of some sort. Of course, I don't because we moved around so much with the Army, there are lessons that I missed out on as each school, town, state curriculumn is different. That's my excuse for any type of general knowledge that I don't know, by the way.

Can I tell you that I love the iPhone? I google-earthed {yes, I just made it a verb} Haiti. Then Tortola. Then I wished I had some sense of distance. Yeah, don't ask me to estimate how far anything is, either. So according to googleEarth, it's close, but then again, what do I know?

So I called to check in with him. No response. I'm sure he's fine. He always is. I just worry. It's not even me. It's just those dreams again.

a decade of my life is gone, this is what stands out...

I've been reading in on JenRem's Blog and she's pretty amazing, you should go read up if you don't already...  Thanks to Kateigh for leading me to her!

I sent over my last decade list to her, but also decided to post it on my own little blog for your viewing pleasure.  This is my summation of my last decade in my own little bubble.

♥ fell in love for the first time.

♥ graduated high school & earned my associates degree.

♥ learned to play tennis at tryouts, and went to Nationals with my college team.

♥ beat up a man for picking on my little sister.

♥ had my heart broken for the first time, but not the last.

♥ ran up thousands in credit card debt and then paid it all off.

♥ had a summer romance with a boy I met on a train to NYC.

♥ learned enough about cars to not get ripped off by a mechanic.

♥ gave a second chance, then walked away from a toxic relationship forever.

♥ realized that I have a fear of committment, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ worked as a babysitter, a tutor, a wench, a pharmacy & photolab technician, a waitress, a fairy (no joke, wings and all), a receptionist, a records specialist at a college , a cashier in a tattoo/piercing parlor, a maid, a mad scientist (I taught rocket science to 5 year olds), a lifeguard (and saved a life) and an insurance broker.

♥ got four tattoos.

♥ became really good friends with my mom.

♥ my hair has been purple, blonde, black, red, permed, straight, short, and back to normal.

♥ let my stubborn self stay out of touch with my sister, my Dad, and two of my best friends.

♥ got over myself, was honest with each of them, and we are stronger for it.

♥ lived in four different abodes, wound up back with my Dad, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ fell in love... with shoes

♥ made new friends, and kept the old (one is silver and the other is gold)

♥ lost my grandfather, two great uncles, two aunts, a cousin, a grandmother and a godmother.

♥ gained a brother in law, a nephew and a niece.

♥ hit rock bottom, picked myself back up.

♥ left a career after five and a half years.

♥ started a blog.

♥ watched one of my best friends marry her best friend.

♥ signed up to go to Tanzania for 12 weeks to volunteer.

♥ decided to choose faith over fear.

a smile for my past

I know, I know... I have a new years post all set & ready to go, but I had to post this -

http://www.runawaygallery.com/2010/01/jolene-jolene-jolene-jolene.html

I read this blog this morning and it immediately made me smile this morning.  My lovely big sister, Michelle, used to sing this when she was little.  She used a turkey baster for a microphone back in the day.  She knew all the words and I can just imagine her sweet little children dancing around with turkey basters and wooden spoons belting out old tunes like this...


It definately made my day.  Thanks Kristina for posting this.

the last days of 2009 (Wednesday, Thursday)

My last days of the year were spent with Dad & favorite little brother working on installing drywall in Jackie's old bedroom. 

Yes, I'm renovating it so that I can set up a little guest room for my dad before I go to Africa.  I'll stock the bathroom with all the guest necessities, and the bedroom with hotel amenities, sheets, fluffy pillows, etc.  I want to make sure he doesn't have to worry about that stuff while I'm gone.

I am also working on packing away my life so that it will fit into just a few bins so that I can move it out to California in June after I get back from Africa.  So this is what my room looks like...  it's a hot mess.

And I have a party to get to tonight to say goodbye to 2009 and welcome 2010 with open arms.

the last days of 2009 (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday)

my sweet little reading list for the weeks to come...

I also put Hemingway's Snows of Kilimanjaro on hold at the local library.  The librarian is going to call me when it comes in... 

In addition to my reading list, I've been cleaning out my life lately.. and I have sooo much stuff.  I've got books, which I'm so excited for a book swap to come up in the blogosphere so I can trade out for some more good reading.  I've got some really good friends making reading lists for me.

Also, going through my hatboxes (you might remember, I have a thing for them), I've been looking through old photographs.  I'm sorting them out and scanning all of them in to my web database for my future personal use, and I'll be sending my friends the ones I want them to have... and I'm sure it will bring them happiness and smiles to remember the great times we've had all those years ago.  Afterall, it's bad luck to throw away photos, right?

Jewelry too.  I'm going through tons and tons of jewelry.  I've gotten a lot of jewelry as gifts from old boyfriends, old friends, grandmothers, my mama.  I found two old jewelry boxes and I'll be taking photos of them (to remember them fondly someday).

 I'm not selling all of my jewelry, don't worry.  I'm setting aside little packages for my sweet sisters, my bestie, and my little niece.  I have a plan in mind to spread the love.  Some of my nicer things, I'm dividing up and setting aside more little packages for my nearest & dearest.  It's quite fun to be reminscing like this, and at the same time, it's a bit painful to be doing this.  There are a lot of memories that I've put by the wayside and had forgotten until now.  But fear not,  it's more fun than anything, I promise.

I did find some pieces from old boyfriends that I could sell but it just seems wrong.  Should I send them back?  Should I keep them?  What's a girl to do?  I remember when I was in sixth grade(my first boyfriend), had given me really pretty (and expensive for a sixth grader) earrings.  When we 'broke up' six weeks later, I gave them back.  Two days later, another girl in my class was wearing them.  What an awful feeling.  I would never know if they 're-gifted' the items, and I'm so not worried about that.  It's just that there are some really sweet things that I have from old boyfriends and it occurred to me that I didn't want to keep them, but do I have it in me to sell them?

So I decided that I would ask you all your advice with my predicament... should I keep them, sell them or send them back?  What about you?  Have you ever sent something back after the end?

mixed emotions

There are good days, and there are bad days.

The good days are weighing out the bad days lately... actually, I haven't had a 'bad' day in quite some time.

I'm getting more comfortable being alone.

It's not a bad thing, it's not a sad thing.

It's just that I'm comfortable with myself.

I don't need someone to entertain me.

I can entertain myself for hours on end with no problem.

I even make myself laugh out loud sometimes.

I've done that to bestie, Allisen, while I'm in the middle of leaving a voice message for her.  I often make myself laugh and get distracted in the message.  Hence the reason that if I call you and you don't answer, I probably won't leave a message.  It won't make any sense.  It would be... nonsensical.  But you would laugh.  Because I laughed.  I would have made you smile.  But back to the task at hand...

To quote one of my favorite movies {Hope Floats} :

"beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "

There are days, as my departure date (02/19/2009) gets closer that I am nervous, scared and unsure of what I must be thinking.

I have doubt and fear about my choice to leave my oh-so-secure comfort zone.

I am sad to leave my family, my friends, my home of 12 years.

I'm sad to be giving away/selling all of my things.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see my friends or hug and kiss my sweet family any time I want.

I won't have my cell phone to get the text messages and facebook updates and voicemails that I love.

I won't have my stable mailbox where my friends & family send me post that makes me smile so much.

I'm nervous that I won't meet my deadline to raise the funds that I need to make this adventurous step forward in my life.

Underneath the fear and sadness of all of that, I have hope.

I have oh-so-much hope.

Hope that I am doing the right thing.

Hope that I will make a difference.

Even if only in the life of one child, woman or man.

Hope is all I have right now for my adventurous journey yet to begin...

I just need to give that hope a chance to float on up...

and it will.

proud big sister.. for good reason.

Ok, So I must once again tell you about my little sister.

I know I've said this before, but as you'll see, there is a definate need for you all to know how wonderful she is... 

read Jackie's Interview here.

My dear sweet little sister,

I am so grateful that you are in my life because you are an amazingly talented and caring young woman.   Thank you so much for the un-ending support and pure excitement that you have for me as I start continue on my own little journey through life.  I am so proud to call you my sister. I consider myself lucky to know you and to be a part of your life.  You are inspiration for my hopes & dreams, and you keep me grounded when I start to float a bit too high.  Thank you again for being there for me when I need you most, when I don't need you at all, and especially when I need to smile.

I love you so much.

Carrie xx

new beginnings

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dear readers, 

This is a personal note to my dear Meg & Mike.  I'm happy to share the joy & love of their special day with all of you.  I've included some of my favorite photos from the day.  Photos were taken by a friend & colleague of Jackie's, John Ciombor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dear sweet cousin, Meg, married her best friend, Mike, on Friday December 18th, 2009.  I can tell you with my whole heart that these two souls were meant for one another.  Looking at them and being able to share in the excitement and joy of their day was amazing.  The ceremony was beautiful, just as we all knew that it would be.  The reception was divine, just as any event involving family is bound to be. 

For Meg & Mike, one of my best friends, and one of my newest friends... 

I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love.  For now, forever, and for always.

with love,

Carrie xx

Reminiscing.....

"Where there is love, there is life."

~Gandhi


Just to finish out the last day of my dear Meg being single.


A few photos of Meg, Jac & I...



Surrounded my family....



Just the three of us girls...



And at Brigantine one summer..



At a cousins birthday partyyyy..



Christmas Day...



Seafood Fest.

More to come tomorrow after the wedding!

last night in town {again?}

I've been running around like mad all day trying to finalize some things before going away this week.

Had the second fitting for my bridesmaid dress (eee!); recycled (because I'm doing my part); shopped for stuffs to make chili (a la Michelle - saweeeettt recipe, PS); bought enough stamps for christmas cards (in case I ever get around to sending them out); bought a couple of cards to send out (because mail always brings a smile to their faces); made chili; paid my bills & did laundry.

Yes, I am amazing.

I've been on google reader to catch up on all my blog-lovin and I've been inspired to make some more lists... actually - Kaileen Elise is a blogger that I stumbled across this morning while catching up and I am completely inspired by her "intentions" lists.  Much nicer way of saying 'honey-do' or 'to-do.'  I hope she doesn't mind that I'll be using that word for my upcoming list of intentions for December and then 2010.

Tomorrow, JacPfef & I are going to visit the fam in South Jersey then to Philly.

Meggamack is getting married in eleven days!

It's going to be fab and I'm super-sonic excited.

So in honor of Meg's pending nuptuals, the younger version of our family (read: 21-26 year olds) are heading to Philly for a Tuesday night on the town.  It will be interesting... to say the least.  The group is made up of the following, in age order: Dave, Meg, Joe, Jac, Kyle, myself & Chad... wow.  Meg is the first of us to get married and I'll be sure to post about the festivities, but for now... you'll just be getting the leadings up to the big big day...

enjoy!

PS - Also, JacPfef has tagged me with the Kreativ Blogger Award.  Thanks so much for the honor... I'll post on this soon.

A few of my favorite things in San Diego...

Plus her sweet little family that brings joy to my soul and silliness to my heart. She is my original best friend.






Love love love being by the water. The air is calm, softly salty and the breeze is warm in the fading sunlight.





And the sky at night. It's not black, but navy blue. The stars are twinkly and bright. Sweet moments of light in the uncertainty of life.

#6 - get to JFK

- Recap -
List of things to do this week:

1 - visit family
2 - visit the Tanzanian embassy for my visa's
3 - photo shoot with Jac
4 - spend time with good friends
5 - pack for cali
6 - figure out how to take a train to JFK

#5 - How do you take the train to JFK? No idea. I thought that grown-ups knew how to do these things, you know, get to the airport on your own... yeah, no. As it turns out, if you're really a grown up, you can just ask one of your good friends to drive you. It doesn't matter that it's a drive through NYC and a long one at that... they have to... because it's what friends do. In my case, because I have a sister (well, only one in the area), I ask her to take me and she is mandated by the sisterly code of conduct to agree. And be happy about it.

As Katie pointed out at Jac's dinner party, sister's really are amazing. They are basically second or third hands when you need something and they will always be there. Whether it's an ice cube for your glass of wine, eggs for the brownie mix, or an hour & a half drive to the airport... she's always going to be right there.

So how do you take the train to JFK? I don't know. Jackie drove.

#4 - spend time with good friends

- Recap -
List of things to do this week:

1 - visit family
2 - visit the Tanzanian embassy for my visa's
3 - photo shoot with Jac
4 - spend time with good friends
5 - pack for cali
6 - figure out how to take a train to JFK

#4 - Spent loads of time this week with amazing people. I've basically just gotten a good dose of awesome over the last week. Obviously, the family time is included in this.

Jac & I went up to Albany to visit Allisen for a mid-week dinner. She'll be back Friday night for our family dinner before I leave for California. And by family dinner, I do of course mean that it's a celebration for Jackie's housewarming/Allisen's birthday/Carrie goes to California.

In addition to that, spent lots of time with Jac&Kate. No, it's not a typo, they are not sold separately. It's a package deal when you get one, you get both. And I love it. For this reason especially... Only good things happen in Wal*Mart at midnight...








More to come as I finish up my list....

#1 - visit family

Ok - so let's recap...
List of things to do this week:

1 - visit family
2 - visit the Tanzanian embassy for my visa's
3 - photo shoot with Jac
4 - spend time with good friends
5 - pack for cali
6 - figure out how to take a train to JFK

1 - I've spent tons of quality (and quantity) family time this week. Spent the weekend in New Jersey celebrating Meg's 21st birthday & bachelorette party and then headed out to Philadelphia where I took these awesome photos of my fabulous family, super sights, and crazy croc shoes.



























































More to come as I finish up my list....

a sad day, but always a smile...

Don't be sad that it's over, smile because it happened.
~Dr. Seuss~



Today was a sad day for me. I left a job that I love and the people that I've worked with every week for five years. That's longer than any relationship I've ever been in, come to think of it. I learned a lot, but more importantly, made good friends.

Tomorrow begins the reality that is my new adventure. Heading down to visit the family in South Jersey with Jac. I've got loads of samples of mark. stuff to share. Also, taking my shoe collection with... family does get first dibs. Katie and Jac are looking into a fundraiser/going away party and I think maybe we could include an auction as well for the bigger-ticket items that have to go. Anyone know how to work an auction? Or do you have a super-cool auctioneer voice? Let me know.

List of things to do this week:
1 - visit family
2 - visit the Tanzanian embassy for my visa's
3 - photo shoot with Jac
4 - spend time with good friends
5 - pack for cali
6 - figure out how to take a train to JFK

More on this as the week unfolds...

my carbon footprint

I've purchased my ticket to California! I'm heading to California to visit my sister and her lovely little family. My nephew Jax has big plans to take me to the San Diego Zoo. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted on my trip. This will be my first time visiting California and I'm sure, not the last.

In my travels, I want to have a positive impact on the people and places that I go. I want to be conscience of the impacts of my travel on the planet. Just call me environmentally saavy. Yes, Allisen, this part is just for you. Allisen, being the eco-friendly lady that she is, has inspired me. In order to start this, while purchasing my ticket, I chose to offset my carbon footprint caused from the flight. The organization I chose is a not for profit and their website has some really great information for you to check out.

What exactly is a carbon footprint? According to Wiktionary.com, "A measure of the amount of carbon dioxide produced by a person, organization or state in a given time."

What is your carbon footprint? Find out with their handy carbon footprint calculator!


Here's my certificate showing my offset:

I have a flight to catch.

I have a flight to catch.

Worked from 7am to 815pm yesterday. Did I mention that my work is time
consuming? Oh, I have, eh? Hmm. Taking a week off is stressful.
What will change in the week that I'm gone? Enough about that.

Got home around nine. There was a pizza waiting with a friend,
who had come to see me off.
Sweet thoughts. Brought me dinner and his computer so that I can
update my iPhone music. He knew that I hadn't even packed yet.

Packed and in bed by 1230a. Not bad, considering I haven't flown in a
couple of years. Wake up at 5am. Shower, blowdry hair, coffee with
Dad. He drops me at the airport at 6:09am. He's off to a school field
trip.. Rafting. First time I've missed it in years.

Wait in line for 10 minutes to check my bag. It's not big, but I'd
rather check it. She hands me my boarding pass in just minutes.

"Miss Pfeffer,are you sure that you want to check your bag?it's $20
for each bag checked."

"Oh.my. No thanks, i'll just take that back and carry it on."

$20?? Per bag??? When did that start??? Oh, the lovely attendant is
already explaining that it started in 2008.

So now security. I forgot you have to take your shoes off. Even if
they are flips. I sure did not pack the 'Michelle' way. (another
sister, extremely well organized. Packs everything in clear ziploc
bags.). I'd say my technique is a cross between that and Allisens way-
throw everything you see in a bag and if it doesn't fit, grab another
bag. I have a happy medium, I think. And a problem. Security guard
tells me I look confused. Reading a sign... No liquids over
3ounces? Uh-oh.

Rifled through my bag. Pulled out my toiletry bag.
Deoderant 2.6 oz
Static guard 1.4 oz
Opcon-A 1.0 oz
Lip balm tub 0.25 oz
Toothpaste 1.5 oz
Purell 1 oz
Cortisone-10 1 oz
Hand lotion 3.1 oz
Razor. ( hmm. Is that allowed??)
Mascara, more lip balm, more lotion, you get the idea.

Hand lotion 3.1 oz... Oops. Maybe I'll just push that to the bottom of
the bag... Everything on the conveyor belt... Even my shoes.

They didn't stop me. And nor should they have, either. I'm not
dangerous. I don't look suspicious. Why do I feel suspicious? Why do I
feel like I'm hiding something? Oh, the lotion. It's just over. It'll
be fine.

More on my trip later... I have a flight to catch.

Sent from my iPhone