a decade of my life is gone, this is what stands out...

I've been reading in on JenRem's Blog and she's pretty amazing, you should go read up if you don't already...  Thanks to Kateigh for leading me to her!

I sent over my last decade list to her, but also decided to post it on my own little blog for your viewing pleasure.  This is my summation of my last decade in my own little bubble.

♥ fell in love for the first time.

♥ graduated high school & earned my associates degree.

♥ learned to play tennis at tryouts, and went to Nationals with my college team.

♥ beat up a man for picking on my little sister.

♥ had my heart broken for the first time, but not the last.

♥ ran up thousands in credit card debt and then paid it all off.

♥ had a summer romance with a boy I met on a train to NYC.

♥ learned enough about cars to not get ripped off by a mechanic.

♥ gave a second chance, then walked away from a toxic relationship forever.

♥ realized that I have a fear of committment, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ worked as a babysitter, a tutor, a wench, a pharmacy & photolab technician, a waitress, a fairy (no joke, wings and all), a receptionist, a records specialist at a college , a cashier in a tattoo/piercing parlor, a maid, a mad scientist (I taught rocket science to 5 year olds), a lifeguard (and saved a life) and an insurance broker.

♥ got four tattoos.

♥ became really good friends with my mom.

♥ my hair has been purple, blonde, black, red, permed, straight, short, and back to normal.

♥ let my stubborn self stay out of touch with my sister, my Dad, and two of my best friends.

♥ got over myself, was honest with each of them, and we are stronger for it.

♥ lived in four different abodes, wound up back with my Dad, and I'm okay with it for now.

♥ fell in love... with shoes

♥ made new friends, and kept the old (one is silver and the other is gold)

♥ lost my grandfather, two great uncles, two aunts, a cousin, a grandmother and a godmother.

♥ gained a brother in law, a nephew and a niece.

♥ hit rock bottom, picked myself back up.

♥ left a career after five and a half years.

♥ started a blog.

♥ watched one of my best friends marry her best friend.

♥ signed up to go to Tanzania for 12 weeks to volunteer.

♥ decided to choose faith over fear.

happy new year

"I wish you a brave new year.

All anguish pain and sadness,

Leave your heart and

let your road be clear.."

I wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous 2010.

Love, Carrie

photo source: weheart.com

the last days of 2009 (Wednesday, Thursday)

My last days of the year were spent with Dad & favorite little brother working on installing drywall in Jackie's old bedroom. 

Yes, I'm renovating it so that I can set up a little guest room for my dad before I go to Africa.  I'll stock the bathroom with all the guest necessities, and the bedroom with hotel amenities, sheets, fluffy pillows, etc.  I want to make sure he doesn't have to worry about that stuff while I'm gone.

I am also working on packing away my life so that it will fit into just a few bins so that I can move it out to California in June after I get back from Africa.  So this is what my room looks like...  it's a hot mess.

And I have a party to get to tonight to say goodbye to 2009 and welcome 2010 with open arms.

the last days of 2009 (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday)

my sweet little reading list for the weeks to come...

I also put Hemingway's Snows of Kilimanjaro on hold at the local library.  The librarian is going to call me when it comes in... 

In addition to my reading list, I've been cleaning out my life lately.. and I have sooo much stuff.  I've got books, which I'm so excited for a book swap to come up in the blogosphere so I can trade out for some more good reading.  I've got some really good friends making reading lists for me.

Also, going through my hatboxes (you might remember, I have a thing for them), I've been looking through old photographs.  I'm sorting them out and scanning all of them in to my web database for my future personal use, and I'll be sending my friends the ones I want them to have... and I'm sure it will bring them happiness and smiles to remember the great times we've had all those years ago.  Afterall, it's bad luck to throw away photos, right?

Jewelry too.  I'm going through tons and tons of jewelry.  I've gotten a lot of jewelry as gifts from old boyfriends, old friends, grandmothers, my mama.  I found two old jewelry boxes and I'll be taking photos of them (to remember them fondly someday).

 I'm not selling all of my jewelry, don't worry.  I'm setting aside little packages for my sweet sisters, my bestie, and my little niece.  I have a plan in mind to spread the love.  Some of my nicer things, I'm dividing up and setting aside more little packages for my nearest & dearest.  It's quite fun to be reminscing like this, and at the same time, it's a bit painful to be doing this.  There are a lot of memories that I've put by the wayside and had forgotten until now.  But fear not,  it's more fun than anything, I promise.

I did find some pieces from old boyfriends that I could sell but it just seems wrong.  Should I send them back?  Should I keep them?  What's a girl to do?  I remember when I was in sixth grade(my first boyfriend), had given me really pretty (and expensive for a sixth grader) earrings.  When we 'broke up' six weeks later, I gave them back.  Two days later, another girl in my class was wearing them.  What an awful feeling.  I would never know if they 're-gifted' the items, and I'm so not worried about that.  It's just that there are some really sweet things that I have from old boyfriends and it occurred to me that I didn't want to keep them, but do I have it in me to sell them?

So I decided that I would ask you all your advice with my predicament... should I keep them, sell them or send them back?  What about you?  Have you ever sent something back after the end?

20% of my program fee!

Thank you so much to everyone who chose sponsorship* over tangible gifts for Christmas presents this year!

 We are now at 20% of the program fee needed for my trip!  Now only 80% to go.  I have until January 16th to raise the remaining 80% of the program fee and I need help.  This fee covers my pre-departure support, in-country orientation, cultural activities, lodging at a CCS Home-Base in a safe, residential community, all meals and bottled water, local transportation, health insurance while in country, evacuation costs (if needed) and so much more. With CCS, I will also meet local experts in the community and will be working alongside volunteers from all over the world.

I will be volunteering for twelve weeks teaching conversational english to school age children; meeting with a local women's group to discuss and encourage entreprenuership and caring for orphaned infants and children diagnosed with HIV and AIDS.

Will you please help me on this journey by becoming my sponsor?  I'll be gaining new perspectives on the issues facing this country and community, and I pledge to share my experiences with you along the way and upon my return.  Please follow along with me on my journey by following along with my blog.

Cross-Cultural Solutions is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that operates volunteer programs in Asia, Africa, Latin America and Eastern Europe, in partnership with sustainable community initiatives. Founded in 1995, its mission is to bring people together to work side-by-side while sharing perspectives and fostering cultural understanding. Each year, over 4,000 people volunteer abroad with CCS.

Your contribution is 100% tax-deductible and you can contribute by credit card and track my progress on my sponsor page online (just enter my last name - Pfeffer).  I really need your support and I appreciate any contribution you can make to help me by January 16, 2010.  If you have any questions, please feel free to email me or call Cross-Cultural Solutions at 1-800-380-4777 or 1-914-632-0022.


*If you'd like to donate as a sponsor, you can use paypal or you can donate directly through cross-cultural solutions here.

mixed emotions

There are good days, and there are bad days.

The good days are weighing out the bad days lately... actually, I haven't had a 'bad' day in quite some time.

I'm getting more comfortable being alone.

It's not a bad thing, it's not a sad thing.

It's just that I'm comfortable with myself.

I don't need someone to entertain me.

I can entertain myself for hours on end with no problem.

I even make myself laugh out loud sometimes.

I've done that to bestie, Allisen, while I'm in the middle of leaving a voice message for her.  I often make myself laugh and get distracted in the message.  Hence the reason that if I call you and you don't answer, I probably won't leave a message.  It won't make any sense.  It would be... nonsensical.  But you would laugh.  Because I laughed.  I would have made you smile.  But back to the task at hand...

To quote one of my favorite movies {Hope Floats} :

"beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "

There are days, as my departure date (02/19/2009) gets closer that I am nervous, scared and unsure of what I must be thinking.

I have doubt and fear about my choice to leave my oh-so-secure comfort zone.

I am sad to leave my family, my friends, my home of 12 years.

I'm sad to be giving away/selling all of my things.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see my friends or hug and kiss my sweet family any time I want.

I won't have my cell phone to get the text messages and facebook updates and voicemails that I love.

I won't have my stable mailbox where my friends & family send me post that makes me smile so much.

I'm nervous that I won't meet my deadline to raise the funds that I need to make this adventurous step forward in my life.

Underneath the fear and sadness of all of that, I have hope.

I have oh-so-much hope.

Hope that I am doing the right thing.

Hope that I will make a difference.

Even if only in the life of one child, woman or man.

Hope is all I have right now for my adventurous journey yet to begin...

I just need to give that hope a chance to float on up...

and it will.

Intentions for 2010

I've been working on my lists...  I started my Bucket List.

Here are my intentions for 2010.  Hopefully I'll have the ones below crossed off by this time next year.

2. Start a sponsorship fund for young women to experience another culture.
7. Write letters. Good old fashioned letters.
15. Bungee Jump.
16. Move to California.
17. Live on my own for awhile.
19. Visit Meg & Michael in their new home.
20. Visit Michelle & Rodney in their new home.
23. Write a novella.
24. Keep a journal. Actually write in it.
25. Take a chance.
27. Travel to {Africa}. Learn something.
28. Become fluent in: Swahili, French, Spanish, German, Arabic, Russian.
29. Drink champagne to celebrate with friends.
32. Stay close with my sisters.
33. Buy rainboots. Wear them.
34. Kayak on a phosphorus lake at midnight.
38. Learn to play poker.
42. Take too many photos anywhere I go.
44. Dance barefoot on a beach.
49. Take a trip by train.
58. Sing at a Karaoke bar. (loudly)
62. Finish unfinished business.
65. Be open.
66. Be compassionate.
67. Live with passion.
68. Live graciously.
69. Learn my morals & values. Live by them.
70. If I can't find the words, write a letter.
76. Take a sabbatical from work. Learn something.
78. Have a penpal.
84. Work as a bartender. Listen.
90. Conquer my fear of spiders.
92. Let someone love me.
95. Laugh daily.
96. Don't be afraid to cry.
98. Give more than I get.

so much to do... in one day...

Ten intentions for a Tuesday

1. go the gym at midnight (again)
2. pick up bridesmaid dress from the tailor.(3 days ♥ Yay!)
3. laundry, dust & vacuum the house (ugh, I know... but it has to be done)
4. pick up some 'hello, I'm thinking about you' cards.
5. write them out & send them {one to Micaela(of Dolce Vita)'s brother - read all about it here.}
6. schedule a weekend for Bestie, Allisen, to help me sort my stuff to sell it.
7. pack for the wedding extravaganza weekend.
8. go to Hobby Lobby and get supplies for said extravaganza
9. catch up on my reader
10. read a bit more about Coco Chanel.

I hope that all of you are having wonderful Mondays!

Carrie Goes to Kilimanjaro

I decided that I would volunteer for global community service. Alone.

This is my story.

I first heard about Cross-Cultural Solutions from my sister, Jackie. We had started talking about volunteering abroad with the organization almost 3 years ago. We had checked our schedules with our best friend, Allisen, and as it turned out, we never had the same availability.

Allisen is an early education teacher and after finishing her Masters (congrats Al!), was starting her career. Which means - summers are pretty much the only time for vacations.

Jackie is a (basically) self-taught a-MAZ-ing photographer. I might be partial, just because she's my sister, but you can check out her work here, and I'm sure you'll agree. Her main focus right now is weddings, and guess when wedding season is - yeah, summers.

I, on the other hand, am a licensed insurance broker for a small (but very busy) agency. I've been there for 5 years (as of 09/23/2009). My job is constantly hectic and can be very time-consuming. I've worked close to 50 hour weeks for nearly 4 out of 5 years. I've earned 4 weeks of vacation each year and there really is no "good" time to take time off.

This brings me to Seafood Fest 2009. This is an annual summer party at my Aunt Terri's house. This is where I had a nice long chat with Allisen, Jackie & Lisa (I'm still not 100% on how exactly we're related, but she's my Dad's cousin, and awesome). After my good-long "talking to," I decided that I needed to make some changes in my life. I have to stop waiting for someone to do the things that I want to do and just do them myself. I don't want to be "the best friend" in my own life story, I want to be the main character. I want my own stories. I can't be afraid to be alone in my next steps. I know that my family & friends will always support me in everything that I do.

On the ride home from Seafood Fest '09, I got an e-mail from Cross-Cultural Solutions. I have been getting e-mails on a Semi-Annual basis since originally checking into this program with Allisen & Jackie 3 years ago. I clicked into the website and started looking into it again. This time, thinking only of myself. This program offers various lengths of time volunteering in many different areas. After looking at all of the areas available, I chose Kilimanjaro. I decided that I would volunteer for global community service. Alone.

This is my story.