spontaneous combustion

Have you ever felt so much excitement you just feel like you're going to explode?

I have.

A lot lately.

maybe too much?

is there a such thing as 'too much'?

I mean, if it's exciting, you might as well get all worked up about it right?

Well, let me tell you what made me feel so much giddiness that I happy-danced around the house awhile...

I was chatting to my sweet sister, Michelle,

(you know, the one that lives in San Diego with my darling niece & nephew?)

she was having a tough week -

they have a WHOLE lot going on right now -

and mentioned that she wished I was around for sanity & company.

Well, that got me to thinking...

(and that's always dangerous)

I really want to see them again soon.

(and no, when I move there in July is not soon enough)

They have a couple of trade shows coming up

at the end of February
(next week)

 AND a store opening the first weekend in March.

Well, the shows are in Vegas.

And then they are driving back to San Diego for the opening...

And Vegas is on my list...

(it might not have been on the 2010 Intentions list,

 but it is definately on the life list.)

So guess what?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I'm going to Vegas ((!!!!!!))

and then back to San Diego to pop bottles with my sis for her grand opening!!

I'm making moves.

and so then Patton says....

*disclaimer: personal alert*

"The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!"  —General George S. Patton, Jr.

 
 

After a chat with my dad (thanks, btw) and some reassurances, I've decided that I will post about this and you don't have to read it if you don't want to, but I need to write it.  I'm writing everything.

All of it.

I'm not a crier.  in any sense.  But I'm feeling a little weepy tonight. 

 ok, maybe not weeeeeepy.. but definately teary-eyed.

There are certain people in my life that have this inane ability to look at me and if I have any sort of sadness in my heart, I will immediately burst into tears.

Not kidding.

and not pretty, either.

It's actually quite annoying.

Especially if you've just driven 11 hours with your sister only to stop in and see an old friend and can barely speak in his direction let alone make eye-contact for fear (yeah, it scares me) of losing it.

{long story, different story, more on that at some point down the line, maybe.}

I've learned that the key to this is eye-contact. 

It should be avoided at all costs when feeling sad,

 helpless,

{insert name of another useless-in my humble opinion-and unavoidable emotion here}

etc. 

you get the point.

so tonight, as my Dad was so kindly saying good-night, what did I do?

slipped up and looked him in the eye..

yep.

tear central.

so here's what's up...

I haven't written much in the last week

every time that I sit down to write,

I go blank.

So here goes.

I am scared. nervous. apprehensive. second-guessing myself.

I feel lost.

 

I feel alone.

 

Even in the midst of a packed room, I feel alone.

I am trying to think happy thinks. 

 I amuse myself with happy blog-posts that others have written. 

 I busy myself with plans of cleaning and baking and cooking, and all around, just not at home time. 

I've become addicted (seriously, not a good thing) to my iphone. 

 {Words with Friends, anyone? - I have 13 games going right now.}

  I surround myself with people.

I volunteer my weekend to hang out with a four-year old (did have fun, btw).

  I try to block out the bad thoughts. 

 The ones telling me that what I'm doing is crazy.

That I need a job.

that grown ups don't do this.

grown ups don't give everything up and make huge decisions based on whims.

then I chide myself, because obv, this is not a whim.

I am not whimsical.

I'm spontaneous, yes.

whimsical, no.

I want to wake up every day with a purpose.

I know, right now, my calling in Africa in less than 30 days, but I'm talking long run here.

Please keep in mind that I haven't worked in... (oh, since, November 13th, 2009)

 yeah, seriously, three months.  That's it.

And I've had big things going on in those three months.

But what I long for is not the job I left,

it's not the 9-5 routine of conventionality {is that even a word?}.

I want to do something that reminds me on a daily basis why I go to work.

I want to travel.

I want to know in my heart that I make a difference.

I want to experience different cultures.

I want to learn more about people.

I want to share my experiences with writing.

or photos.

or postcards.

or stories.

Problem is... what kind of job does that???

Poa kichizi kama ndizi

I've been studying up on my kiSwahili.

And this phrase made me laugh out loud.

Poa kichizi kama ndizi

go ahead, say it out loud...

I'll help you...

poh-ah

 ki-kee-zee

 kah-mah

nah-dee-zee

translation? 

cool like a crazy banana.

yay for Friday!

Just secured my seat to volunteer abroad with Cross Cultural Solutions in Tanzania. My sponsors so far have been amazing, and I am so grateful for your help with this. If you'd still like to donate, I'll be hosting an additional fundraiser next month so that I can extend my trip to teach conversational english and care for orphaned infants and young children diagnosed and affected by HIV and AIDS.

snowy day

{via the amazingly talented}

More snow today...

therefore, today is a day I'm doing all the little things around the house

(including working on a guest post for Krissa)

that I have put off for the last week

(and have been left undone while away for the prior 3)

chores, updates, basic organizing, unpacking..

thank you Mother Nature, for forcing me to do this.

In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure,

please click here 

to read the post that my one of my new blog-sister's (Krissa)
has guested for our Desi.

I believe... in love

*this is a new series that I'm trying out entitled, 'I Believe..." 

I hope you love it as much as I do already!*

I believe in love.

love at first sight.

love at first kiss.

everlasting love.

new love.

old love.

young love.

true love.

self love.

I believe in first loves that turn in to last loves.

that two people are made for one another.

I believe in marriage.

and having babies.

{lots of babies} with the one you love.

I believe in happy ever after.

I believe that love finds you when you stop looking.

I believe in putting yourself out there.

I believe in falling in love.

falling so hard it hurts.

I believe that love can make you.

and love can break you.

love can lift you up.

and love can bring you down.

I believe that when you fall in love,

it's forever.
I believe in fall-down,
head over heels,
heart-pounding,
mind blowing,
goofy smile,
playful,
honest love.
I believe in love.

and how could I not add in my favorite {ever} song...

Do you believe in love?

Deliciously Luvy Duvy

This is a guest post by a lovely lady (you can go check her out here) that I was fortunate enough to meet through a blogging project - The Sisterhood of the Blogosphere (see button at left for more info).

post & photos from 'Americanising Desi,' captions by me.

much love to you on Valentine's Day!

xx, Carrie

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I am truly humbled that Carrie permitted me to go all crazy with my posting as a guest post on her blog. I actually love it already. The little twinkle in my eye is much sharper and as the chimes ring to call it love love love, I am beginning to step back and be in love with something in my imagination, something that is so far from my reach and yet the fuzzy warm feeling in my heart makes me wanna embrace him for eternity. Okay shush! This is not my blog and hence no quotes of boredom. I'd like to introduce myself as 'Luvy Duvy Libra' because there is no other way to this. I was born out of love and to date, after the many mishaps in relationships of all kinds, I still have so much love that it is insane!

The delicious notion of love has been interpreted for many years on the face of this planet. I loved the Shakespearean era though; there is nothing that makes me tickle like the Mid Summer Night's Dream or Romeo and Juliet. I don’t want to be those characters but love does end before anything else does in this darn materialistic world. I haven’t had any valentines to date. I am that sour of a woman and perhaps that ugly too. I see these decked up girls with really weird guys all blushing and romancing and showering presents and I envy it all. Hence I stay home and don’t spill a tear about it. So what if 27 years were in vain, I could always hope the next 27 (if I live that long) are filled with valentine every day. My aim to post here is to spill some delicious stuff that will make your heart moan and your mouth water and some might want to kill me, but please have a heart and let me pour some sweet things all over so that you may bathe with ecstasy!

I've never been able to put together,

how you simply make, me float like a feather.

Its so amazing, how our love glooms,

its like an unending, honeymoon.

 

It feels as strong tonight,

as the very day, when it first took flight.

 

It still feels just like the first kiss,

an amazing feeling; emotional bliss.

 

It still feels, like the first night together,

Only one thing Hun, its getting better.

Like the first time our eyes met,

its the same feeling that I still get.

 

We just keep getting closer baby,

Can't EVER get close enough.

 

Please believe that this is true,

all I ever want is to be able to love you.

 

Our love just keeps getting stronger,

which makes me want, to just love you longer.

 

It feels like our first touch,

We never expected, a thing as such.

 

If there's one thing that I depend on,

It is for us, to remain strong.

 

And we're still holding on,

and you my love, are still the one.

 

It still feels like our first date,

every second with you, just feels so great.

 

Its things like your bright smile, & shining eyes,

that make me the luckiest, of all the guys.

 

The one thing that I am sure of,

Is that you and I, are TRUE love.

 

And there could not be a better time,

than now; day of Valentine.

To show the world what they miss,

because they will never, match this.

 

We seem to have something out of this earth,

Lets always see it, for what its worth.

 

p.s. i read it and i couldn't help share it!

My words for you lonely and helpless souls out there is, 'there is so much love inside you, you don't have to look around to express it, just dont hold any sour memories and pamper yourself cuz you all are so worth it :)'

Bless you!

She used to wear her heart on her sleeve,

but she found it felt safer pinned to his collar.

He always thought the sunset on the coast was beautiful,

until the day he saw her smile.

she kept every word he wrote to her

as a reminder of his love

the only time she ever broke his heart,

was when he gave her chocolate.

the weather never mattered,

as long as they were together.

she took her coffee without sugar,

but it was always sweetened by his smile.

her words flowed off the pages and into his heart,

like the confetti out of the envelope she sent.

she was sure to kiss him everyday

if only to make him see that he was loved.

she lit a candle for her love every night

and every day, he burned for her.

when they met, two hearts became one.

a kiss to build a dream on.