should I get my sneakers & iPod?

It just occured to me tonight that what I'm doing

 {going to Africa, moving to Cali, travel, travel, travel, etc..}

could be looked at as me running away.

And I asked myself,

"Self, are you running away again?"

the answer...

...

 questionable.

This is something I've wanted to do for a long time,

but why now? 

why africa? 

 why california? 

WHAT am I doooooing?!

Part One:

let me explain

(a little background)

for those of you

{read: everyone - I know.. frustrating.}

that can't read my mind...

I have a very expressive face. 

You can really see what I'm feeling most times.

Or rather, people guess.

often, they get it right.

Then there are times,

when no one can figure out what it is that I'm thinking. 

My dad tells a story about times when I was maybe about two years old,

and he'd ask me a question,

and sometimes,

 I'd just stare at him.

big eyes, no expression.

He claims that the expression was,

"I know what you're saying, but you can't prove it, so I'm not saying anything"

I wasn't a big talker back then.

I had an older sister that could tell anyone whatever they wanted or needed to know.

I had an older sister that talked enough for both of us.

{love you misha ♥}

I'm still not a big talker now.

I have a little sister that can tell waiters/waitresses that I have a severe allergy to peanuts and what kind of sushi we'll have.

I have a little sister that talks enough for the both of us.

{love you jac ♥}

I will say (disclaimer) -

 that there are a few people that can get me talking for hours upon days upon weeks,

{but not many can do that..}

Ok - so...

from what I'm picturing of the story my dad so fondly recalls,

I was a demon child with a death stare.

ok.. maybe not that bad. 

but seriously,

nickname in high school?

the Anti-Christ.

{ok, given by a boy that claims to have had a crush on me}

but still.

my older sister

{remember? lives in San Diego with her sweet little family}

when chastised for being too bossy {read: bitchy}

she says...

"you haven't met my sister."

just for the record - I don't take offense at this.

my dad says that I

"don't suffer fools lightly"

just for the record - I don't take offense at this.

mostly because it's true.

I think it's important for people to know where you stand.

I am a firm believer in standing up for yourself.

and your family.

and your friends.

and those that can't stand up for themselves.

and I believe that you should be held accountable for your actions.

for your words.

whether you do it,

{or I do it for you... ha ha}

stand up for yourself.

and those you love.

hold yourself accountable.

THAT being said...

I've been looking back on my short little life and rethinking it over the last few months, weeks, days.

I'm not a big talker, I've never been a sharer.

of feelings, I mean.
maybe that's my problem.

So, I've decided, I need to share.

and who better to share with, than you?

I would like to start by saying
{disclaimer, again}
 that I have a firm belief in my heart that I have no regrets.

I would like to say that, but I don't know if I can, honestly.

I don't regret where I am today.

I don't regret the experiences that have made me the person that I am today.

I know that if I hadn't had those very specific experiences,

I would not be the person that I am today.

the person that's going to change the bad in the world to good.

the person that's making a difference in the life of a child.

in the life of a stranger.

the person that's making a difference in your life.

I think maybe I could've done without the scars & stitches on my heart, but unless I share some of it, what good is it to have the experience and not learn from it?